11 B

That's my seat number on a flight that will ferry us into the next chapter of our lives. In less than two weeks, I will board a plane, find a spot in the overhead bin for my carry-on, put the armrest up between 11 B and 11 C, and listen as Peter prays for our trip. We've done it many times before, for treks all over the world, but this time it's different. SO. VERY. DIFFERENT.

We've found that we go through phases of panic about this adventure - usually at different times. Last night, while digging through paperwork and receipts for a tax document I was putting together for our CPA, I found myself in a side conversation with Peter about how we were both feeling re: the upcoming changes. Was I prepared to become a parent to five kids? Was he ready? I thought about the comment he made to me a few weeks back, about it not turning our world upside down, but right side up. I'll be honest: some days it's easier to believe that than others. 

As I plugged expenses into to the spreadsheet, I came across our very first payment to the adoption agency in September 2013, and I had to laugh. We were both hoping beyond hope that if we sent it in, it would turn into a donation rather than an application fee. That somehow, by "sacrificing" $250 and filling out a few pages of information, we would prove to God that we were faithful and He would look down and boom, "Oh wow, my children, you are amazingly obedient. Good job! What an example you are! Well done. You are now free to go back to your regularly scheduled lives and I will no longer ask you to do this crazy thing." But, of course, He didn't. This wasn't a test of the "change your life" broadcasting system, this was the real deal, and the real question was, "Will you continue to be faithful?" One step doesn't make you faithful, one action doesn't mean you've grasped what it means to obey His calling - it takes a lifetime of "one step at a time" moments.  

Someone recently asked me if I was excited, and I responded, "I have days when I'm excited, and days when I'm terrified." The woman (a mom of grown kids), wisely replied, "Welcome to the rest of your life." And it makes sense. There will always be a situation that we are not prepared for, a moment when we wonder "why us?!", a fleeting desire to turn and run, but the God who has faithfully led us to this point, will still be there in those moments as well. He will still be writing the story, still giving us wisdom when we seek it, and still be the rock, refuge, and fortress that He is today.

How can we be so sure? Because almost four years ago - literally in an instant - God made it crystal clear that this was His purpose for our lives. Even though we fought it, ignored it, avoided it, and danced around it, the one thing that we never did was doubt it. From that first moment, we both knew this was our calling. All of the other - the doubt and avoidance - was just us trying to wiggle out of it. Our human nature, our selfishness - if you will, went into fight or flight mode, trying to defend us from this crazy, CRAZY, world-rocking idea. And even though it took us 11 months to make that first call to the adoption agency, in the end, we chose obedience over comfort.

So... are we ready? Will we get down there and then freak out? Run away? Turn back to the airport and ask for two, one-way tickets to Paris? Truthfully, yes, we might very well freak out when we are alone together, questioning our sanity and wishing we could move to the land of introverts and escargot, but NO, we will not run away. Why? Because the decision to do this was made years ago, and the Author of this story knows what He is doing - even when He chooses to use the most reluctant of His kids to reflect the light of His glory.

#iamthankful #rightsideup

P.S. Remember how I was putting adoption expenses in that spreadsheet? After I finished, I tried not to panic. Let's just say that I'm a little "safety first" when it comes to finances... though God is definitely using this whole experience to stretch me! If you're inclined to donate, we still have a lot of expenses coming up (some already paid for, some not) during our time in Costa Rica. DONATE HERE

P.P.S. You guys have been unbelievably generous to us and our kids in your purchases from our Amazon registry! We are BLOWN AWAY!!! There are just 25 items remaining (5 of those being gift card options) on our list that it would be nice to have (like the LICE SHAMPOO - go ahead and pray that we don't have to deal with that!!), just in case you're interested. :) SEE THE LIST

Just One Slice, Thanks...

Oh, this week. A 3-day weekend (our last holiday where we can do whatever we jolly well want to without tiny people wanting to eat morning, noon, and night) could not have come at a better time. From stomach bugs to turning into a mama bear twice in a 7 day period, the week was capped off by the largest Humble Pie I have had to face in a very long time. God continues to remind me that I am far (FAR, people, FAR) from perfection, and that grace is not something to be doled out when it is earned, but when it is needed.

We've been in this whole adoption process for a long time (officially since December 2013 when we sent our first payment into the adoption agency, unofficially since God first called us in November 2012). For the last 2 years I've loudly and, at times, publicly shared my frustration that a previously involved party had lost our original marriage license and my birth certificate. Incompetence, idiocy, and the real clincher, disorganized. How could they?

With less than 30 days to go before we board an airplane bound for Costa Rica, we have created lists of things that we need to take care of before we go. One of the items on my personal "to do" list included taking old, no longer referenced folders from our upstairs filing cabinet and moving them to the storage filing cabinet in the basement. While I was working through the upstairs files this week, I came across a folder marked "Bank Safe Deposit Box." I flipped it open, recalling that we had closed our box almost 2 years ago when our bank closed, and wondered if it could be regulated to the basement.

Do I even need to say it? Inside the folder - which didn't contain paperwork indicating that we had a box, but the actual paperwork from the box itself - I found our "missing" documents. Our marriage certificate and my (somewhat original) birth certificate. There they were, in the filing cabinet that I had torn apart looking for these items over a year ago. All the time that I was blaming the individual for losing our paperwork, I was sitting less than 2 feet away from the items, tucked neatly into a poorly labeled folder. I'm the idiot. "Yes, I believe I will have some cream with my pie."

Here's my question for you: how often do you (and I) foist the blame for a mistake, a situation, an argument, a misunderstanding on someone else before we look at our ownership? How many tiffs with your spouse could be stopped mid-argument if you were to consider your role in it rather than pointing out the faults of your husband or wife? How many times in your frustration with your children have you failed to see the situation from their point of view? Are you a loving parent - teaching, instructing, guiding, correcting and yes, even giving grace on occasion - or are you the task master, benevolent dictator, and tyrant?

I know when it comes to marriage I have been culpable of seeing Peter's guilt before acknowledging my own role in the fight. I have stood in judgement of his decisions, I have been self-righteous, declaring my perfection over his missteps. Thankfully, after 16 years of marriage, almost 20 years of friendship, and 32 and 37 years of following Jesus, God has helped us see our own faults, and recognize when we are wrong. Our marriage has gotten sweeter as we have learned the importance of dying to self, willing to admit when we are wrong, mistaken, or just plain unsure.

I also know that I will - guaranteed - screw up with our kids. I will be quick to throw blame, make assumptions, and fail to give a measure of grace when I should. And while I am all about boundaries (yes, in this house it will be a dictatorship not a democracy - Dad and Mom do get the final say), I also know what it feels like to have judgement handed down without feeling like my side has been heard, and I want to remember that as we learn how to parent these 5, unique individuals.

Perhaps it's because God knows that my patience will be tested in days to come, or because He knows my heart and my own high view of myself, that He allowed me to find a whole humble pie in my filing cabinet, not just a slice. Whatever the case... another lesson in the books this week, and another moment to sigh and say, "Thank you, Lord. Please don't let me forget."

P.S. In other news - we received $2,675 in donations this week!! That leaves us with $3,325 to hit our goal. God has more than one way in which to humble us. #iamthankful 

P.P.S. We could still use some items off of our Amazon registry, if you are so inclined, particularly the turtleneck shirts for the kids. GO TO THE LIST.

P.P.P.S. If anyone knows someone with a 7 passenger vehicle (SUV or van) in the San Jose area that they'd be willing to let us use for, oh, say, 6-8 weeks this fall, please let us know!

Short and Sweet

LAST WEEK... absolutely nothing to report. Just WAITING.

THIS WEEK... we added $650 to our adoption fund (THANK YOU!!), and I (Carrie) spent 4 days removing tags and washing ALL of the clothes for all 5 kids. I suspect our water bill will be increasing. ;) 

NEXT WEEK... the kids finally find out we exist. We still don't know if we'll be able to Skype with them before we travel or not.

TRAVEL DATES... still unknown, but looking like early September right now, which would put us back home in mid-October.

WE STILL NEED... items from our Amazon registry, if you're so inclined:http://www.amazon.com/registry/baby/3FMEV8P5KVDOSFINANCIAL CHECK-IN... $7613.46 away from our total goal (plus credit card payment processing fees from YouCaring), and $214 from our next YouCaring checkpoint ($13k). 

PRAYER REQUESTS...

* For the kids - next week will be life changing for them. 
* For us - as we continue to seek God's guidance to grow as Believers and prepare as parents to raise these 5 kids.
* For the social worker in Costa Rica - to know Jesus, and have wisdom as she prepares our kids for the adoption.

In Other News

FINANCIAL UPDATE: Thank you to all who have given and shared the link to our YouCaring page. We're still about $8700 away from our goal, but continue to add to our personal savings (through our jobs & book sales) and trust that God will provide what we need, when we need it. And as I told a family member this week: we don't need it yet, so I'm not worried. :) We are over $11k closer than we were - and that's truly stunning to us. Your generosity has blessed and encouraged us - thank you.

IN OTHER NEWS: While we continue to wait, the adoption agency (U.S. side) has given us some things to work on - like selecting 5 small toys/gifts per child (you do the math - that's 25 gifts total!) that will fit in a Ziploc bag with a personal note from us. Once we have been officially matched with the kids, we send these bags down to the agency, and they send them on to the representatives in country, who then give them to the children. Their first interaction with us... their first sense of who we are and what their future could be like. NO PRESSURE. ;) Over the last 3+ years, the adoption agency reps have learned that Peter and I need time to think and process through things (even something as seemingly simple as TOYS), so they have kindly given us a heads up even though we're still about a month out from needing it. If only the kids would do the same once they get here... ;) 

AMAZON REGISTRY: Full Disclosure - Peter and I are having a BALL getting your gifts!! We've read all the books, tried out all the toys, and tried to remember that when the kids come, we have to share. ;) THANK YOU for your generosity to our kids through your Amazon shopping! If you're planning to purchase something but aren't sure what we need most, I have tried to mark our top needs as "High" in the priority category. If you visit the page (http://www.amazon.com/registry/baby/3FMEV8P5KVDOS), look for the "Category" drop down menu, and select "Priority (high to low)" to see what's on the most needed list. 

We're On Amazon!

ADOPTION UPDATE: For those of you who missed the news on Facebook earlier this week, last Friday afternoon we were informed that we had been "Dossier Approved" by Costa Rica. This came as a surprise to our agency, as well as to us, as none of us thought that would happen until our revised U.S. immigration paperwork was completed and sent down there (we're still waiting on that). 

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? It basically means that the Costa Rican social worker and psychologist looked at our home study, application, and psychological evaluation and approved us to adopt children from Costa Rica. 

SO WHAT'S THE HOLD UP? They have sent two letters to tell us that we are approved, but that if we want to move forward with the five children that we sent the letter of intent for earlier this year, we need to be approved by USCIS for 5 in the correct age range, rather than the 4 we are currently approved for. This is the paperwork that we had the hiccup with last week, but it's in process. It was pretty exciting to see our kid's names in our official acceptance letter from the country, however! :) 

WHAT'S NEXT? Once we have the revised paperwork back from the U.S. Immigration Department, we'll send it down to our adoption agency to have it apostilled (basically, notarized for a Hague Adoption Country) and then sent on to Costa Rica. Once they have that, we'll get approval to adopt 5 - boys and girls - and moved into the official "matching" phase. Our understanding is that once we reach that stage, they'll officially ask us if we want our 5 kids, we'll say "YES!" and they will then let the kids know that we exist and that we want to keep them together. The kids will go through some counseling to help with this transition, and we should start communicating with them after that.

WHEN DO YOU TRAVEL? Isn't THAT the million dollar question?! :) Depending on how quickly everything falls into place, we could be traveling in late June or early July - or later this summer if we hit another unforeseen delay.

FUNDING UPDATE: We're currently $419 away from the $11,000 mark, and $9,419 away from our total goal.

**IT'S A RACE!!**Well, not really a race, but with the help of some friends, we're working to put together an "Adoption Walk" on a local trail to help raise funds for our travels and final adoption costs. It's currently "penciled in" by the trail coordinators for June 11th from 8-10 am. We're hoping to get some local businesses involved as well, so if we're connected on Facebook (and you live in our area), stay tuned for more details. :)

WHAT DO YOU NEED? Besides prayer and funds? ;) We've heard this question a lot, so we finally publicized our adoption registry this week from Amazon. Some of the items (like toothpaste or hairbrushes) don't have to come from Amazon, but it's the easiest way to let people know what we're lacking. We want to keep it simple - at least as we start out. Coming from an orphanage to America is going to be a little overwhelming, to say the least, so a limited number of simple clothes and simple toys (and lots of books!) is our goal. :) PLEASE NOTE: we were very specific in our choice of toys due to what we know about the kid's backgrounds, and what skills we want to work on once they are home (fine motor skills being one of them, English being another), so if you're inclined to purchase/give a toy, please stick to this list. THANKS!
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/registry/baby/3FMEV8P5KVDOS