After an hour and a half, Peter joined the conversation. We talked about what we needed to do. I sought his wisdom and experience as a brother in Christ, and together, we were able to sharpen one another and come to a mutual choice that yesterday we would "reboot" the situation.
Unlike most adoptive parents, we haven't spent years dwelling on the desire to have children, and in the 12 days since we have met our kids, no magic parental switch has been turned on. Regarding our desires and personalities, we are still the same people that we were 13 days ago... and we have made a lot of mistakes because of that. But yesterday morning, we made the CHOICE to do the one thing that we know Christ has commanded and empowered us to do... love them because He loves them. Show them humanly imperfect love because He has shown us His perfect love.
We have one opportunity with these kids - and possibly less than that if the adoption of these five falls through (we are still waiting on a final decision from those in authority over it) - but for whatever time we have with them, we have CHOSEN to "take captive" every negative thought about this process, behaviors, feelings, and actions. We CHOOSE - daily, hourly, millisecond by millisecond - to love these children (and those involved in the process) because He first loved us. We CHOOSE to find victory in Christ and to walk in the way of Love.
Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and WALK IN THE WAY OF LOVE, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.