Adoption is hard.
It's hard on the kids.
It's hard on the (new) parents.
It's hard on the extended family, who can only watch and pray.
It's hard on friends who want to help, but feel helpless.
Adoption is hard. But God is good.
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| Photo by Dayne Topkin on Unsplash |
Four years ago, the 12 year old hated our guts and had no intention of saying "yes" to the judge and allowing the adoption to go through. She didn't want us, and I didn't want her. BUT GOD had other plans.
Four years ago, the 8 year old came in like a hurricane wrapped in a tornado, with an earthquake thrown in for good measure. Her outward expressions of anger unknowingly mirroring my inward screams of angst against God for making me do this. I could never love her or them. BUT GOD knew otherwise.
Four years ago, the 6 year old played every card in her repertoire to figure out how to get what she wanted. Depending on the moment she would be loving and affectionate, sullen and silent, floppy and pathetic (unable to do so much as pick up a crayon), or sad and weepy. Manipulation and deception had been her tools for survival until meeting us. I couldn't deal with that kind of behavior. BUT GOD could.
Four years ago, the 5 year old who had spent his short life (most of it in the government-sponsored children's home) being told that (as a male) he was born to be happy, was confused and angered when he came up against rules and boundaries. Spending hours repeatedly placing him back on a stool in a corner of our rented kitchen was not anyone's idea of fun. I couldn't fathom this being my life for the foreseeable future. The boy would never change. BUT GOD was already writing his story.
Four years ago, the 4 year old who idolized her oldest sister and screamed at the top of her lungs whenever I got close to her (I later found out that the oldest had told the youngest that I was an alien come to eat her 👽), tested every fiber of my being. She was trouble wrapped up in a cute outer package. And I was convinced she would never like me. BUT GOD is in the people-changing business.
Adoption is hard. But God is SO good.
Four years later, as I remember back to how they were - and compare them to who they are today - I am in awe of GOD and His work in all of us. As the 16 year old (who still calls me Carrie, because "mom" is reserved for the woman who gave birth to her) frequently communicates through funny GIFs and surprises me with Starbucks that she paid for with the money she's earned by babysitting...I often have to sit back and ask myself, "Who IS this child?" And the answer - as it is with all of them - is that she is a child of God. God has been at work in her since the day she opened her heart to Him, and the change is unreal.
If the Carrie of four years ago could have had a momentary glimpse of what the Carrie of today lives with, she might have had more patience in the moment. But for so many reasons, I'm thankful that God doesn't allow us the opportunity to see the future, because part of what makes today so sweet is knowing where we started, and all the hard lessons learned along the way.
Learning to let go.
Learning that I knew nothing and could do nothing without Him.
Learning to choose, every moment, to be obedient to His calling.
Learning that I couldn't hide in the pantry forever, and there were only so many tears to shed and packs of fruit snacks to eat before I had to go back out and deal with these tiny, angry, little sinners who God sent to my house to invade my comfortable Christian bubble.
And I'm so grateful, in His mercy, that He did.
You are awesome and SO inspiring! God bless you and family.
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